As presented by Team On-On: Bottom Scrawler, Boy Toy, French Tickler
July 21, 2001
This Year's E.coli was promised to be bigger and better than ever by all the local press releases, and it certainly lived up to those releases, by volumes. This time it was billed far enough in advance to have hashers arrive with their teams planned in advance, anything to get that crucial advantage to make it to the On-On before the next big release. Plus there were more teams than before (this stuff's spreading!) to add to the cum...... ccommpett..... compeetive.....never mind, the TEAM spirit!
Hashers arrived from near and far for the special 2pm early start. The 50 or 60 of them were enough to make 14 or 15 teams. Lots of visitors and backsliders, many wearing their newly-acquired hasherbadashery our hares printed up special. After the introduction of the teams and the special chalk talk detailing extreme danger warnings, we were off! Every man for himself, teams be damned! But wait! Before we could go anywhere, we met our first challenge - the team captains were called to the center of the chalk talk circle where they were required to put a condom over the heads and blow until it exploded. Yes, guns signal the start of races, cannon signal the start of invasions, and exploding condoms signaled the start of the 2001 E.coli Challenge.
With that challenge met, the teams started the urban assault portion. We ran through some neighborhoods and shopping centers, then came to a part of the trail sabotaged by some of the FRB teams. After a while of lostlessness, most found their way to a parking lot of a Good Will store where Scrawler detailed the next next set of special challenges. Each team was required to purchase a dress from the store for one of the male team members to wear for the rest of r*n. After that they were to enter the mall across the street and find the waiting Boy Toy somewhere in the mall. Once found in the food court, he gave them their next challenge - make a 6-person pyramid with Boy Toy (and the stunned locals) as your witness. After that it was back to the Good Will area for the first beer check and waiting Hertz truck.
Now here's where it gets a little fuzzy, or is it that way because of the 90' heat and humidity? Anyway, the beer check was sure yummy with all the heat coming down out of the sky on that hot day. I mean to say it was hot. Remember when you were a kid and that pet grasshopper/ frog/ lizard/ whatever died in the baby food jar you left in the sun on the porch 'cause you didn't punch air holes in the top? You don't remember it? Well neither did our hares, 'cause the next thing you know all 50 of us are lining up to board the back of a 24ft. Hertz rent-a-truck and have the door shut on us to ride for gawd-knows-how-long before they let us out. After the door shut on us we knew it was time to conserve the precious litttle oxygen allotted us and also to stay cool. We did this by singing and shouting at the top of our lungs and by banging on the walls with our fists. The worst part was there wasn't enough oxygen left in the air for Pussywhipped to light his cigarette, or if there was all the sweat quickly put it out.
When we finally reached our destination for the shiggy portion of the trail, running was a whole lot easier as we were all about 10lbs. lighter. We rehydrated with beer then ran on through woods, razor grass, swamps, and a river for a while before realizing it was a gigantic circle jerk and the hares were waiting for us at the original starting point with floating coolers of beer in the waist deep river. From there is was down the river to some good hillsides - up the hills and down the hills, past a sabotaged beer stop, through festering muck in the river again and then to downtown Chagrin Falls. Here the hares had another special check planned for us but called it off due to our falling behind schedule.
So we ran some more, into a park and another river (boy there sure was a lot of watwer on this run), where we found more beer, Tequila shots, and small vials of E.coli (ok they were really mud slides in test tubes with marshmellows). Yummy none the less. All situated next to a small waterfall where we could sit and relax in the water.
Only 1.5 miles to go from here. We can do it. We've only been at it for 5 hours. A bit more trail running and then we get to the now infamous Circle Check of Death and Confusion...and Death. It's a big check mark in the middle of the woods with flour marks on every tree, 360' around us... in a 25 yard radius! What the hell way do we go? SPREAD OUT!!! After figuring out this last challenge, it was on-in to the finish, our beloved Hertz Haitian Hotel on wheels. After conserving more oxygen we all got back safely to the bar.
Once inside the half-dead group summoned enough energy to give the hares down downs for the event they planned for so long. Remember, neither of them live in the area and a lot of planning and hard work went into organizing this, printing shirts, too. Yeah yeah yeah, drink!
Prizes were given to those who found the small Canadian flags hidden on trail (hidden in large storm sewers and at the top of some major hill climbs), and the winners were recognized - DRINK! Everyone else drank for whatever they did, we ate and drank some more, then many went to Narco's palace to rinse off in the hot tub and party for the rest of the night.
And that's the way it really happened,
Pinch A Loaf
